He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
