whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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