Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
