I'm drive I can fine osifer
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
