I got chris browned last night
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
