were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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