Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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