So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
