Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
