I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
