At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
