who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
