i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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