i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
