i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
