He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
