We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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