Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
