I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
