Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
