Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
