in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
