What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
