Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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