I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
