dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
