Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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