1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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