two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'd cum for enchiladas.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
