If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
