"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
