I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
