how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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