Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
