3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
