I think im going to throw up on grandma
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
