wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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