My boss' voice literally gives me gas
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
