dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
