This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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