I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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