I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
