I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
