Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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