On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
