she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
