Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
