thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
