Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
