Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
