you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
