If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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