I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
