you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
