soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Found your dick twin last night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
